Question: Selfish action or common sense?

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Answer #1:

if he is leaving without even helping you get it all figured out, then yah that is a little selfish.

if you say you are doing better and he doesn't see that, then that's also selfish.

but then again we don't know the extent of your relationship. if he tried really hard to help you out and nothing just seems to be working, then that's different. he isn't being selfish. at some point you DO need to be selfish to protect yourself. you really can't blame him if he doesn't see himself with someone who is always depressed.

i say try to get your life figured out without being in a relationship. see if things change while you are away from him. if a few months down the road you DO get better, then you can give him a call and meet up and *maybe* pick up where you left off.

Answer #2:

You ex sounds like a very wise man. It's one thing if you're been married for 20 years and you partner becomes an unhappy person. But if you've been unhappy for 4 years and he's stayed - honestly i'm suprised that he stuck around so long.

Your boyfriend was smart to take decisive action to make a happy life for himself even if it meant being without you. He's TOTALLY a keeper - for another girl.

Life is not short - it's long. But it's too short to be ground down my a debbie downer.

Sounds like you need to take some time to yourself, figure out what's going to make you a happy person and do it.

There will be another guy- just not that one!

Answer #3:

4 years of being on a “poor me” trip is more than most people could stomach. I say he is a saint.

Answer #4:

His reason for leaving you is strange - no one is happy all the time. And yeah it sounds selfish. If he really loved you he'd stand by you as you got over this rough time.

Anyhow - that's in the past and you should be looking to the future.

Answer #5:

Maybe you can try getting some couseling for both of you, it could help alot.
If he really loves you and sees you are trully making an effort to improve ,he might reconsider.
Sometimes people get fed up with the people they love when they see that their is not very much hope for a happy future together,but only you can make that change and prove it to him.
Keep in mind that if you change you are doing it for yourself because you will be alot happier!

Answer #6:

If a person wants out of a relationship, they'll make up what ever excuse they can pull out of their wazoo.
And the usual MO is that it's all the other persons fault.

Well it's hard to be happy when you feel you're being micromanaged, that you're already set up for failure.
And maybe the reason you weren't as happy as usual is because of him.
Did you notice that you've been dating him for the last 4 years and that's when this personality change started?

You may miss the companionship, but I don't think you'll miss him as much as you think you will.

Answer #7:

I like that "The Terminator" came out on the side of the girl in this one... mostly because hes cheating on his fiancee.

Anyway to your question, its really difficult to answer this question without knowing why you were sad, but I'd say after 3 years of putting up with your attitude and 1 year of dating you with the attitude it sounds like he thought he could fix you and over time he slowly started to feel differently. Although I will say this there are people out there that have "real" problems and find a way to be happy, if you are down and have a lot going for you then the problem is you... I suggest seeking counciling if you really need help.

As your friend its kind of a dirt bag move on his part, unless you take the amount of time that has elapsed into consideration... although if he was your friend and knew this is how you felt he should have figured you wouldn't change just because you became a couple... so that doesn't make him wise at all.

As your boyfriend its perfectly acceptable response after dating you for a year, the down side of being around people who feel bad all the time is they start to bring you down after a while so maybe he wants to be happy, and you don't help him achieve that. So dumping you accomplishes that goal is it selfish... not really because part of being in a relationship is getting something you both want... and he isn't getting what he wants.

Answer #8:

Sorry, but your friends are just trying to comfort you.
In this case he's making a wise decision. It is better to get out now, than have it blow up later.

Answer #9:

Evidently, you're very unhappy and he doesn't want to be with someone who has mood swings like you do. Perhaps you should see a doctor to see if you have clinical depression. You've only told one side of this story and it sounds like you aren't happy with anything according to him. Just move on and seek help. Thank you.

Answer #10:

Truth is its a little of both, it sounds to me like he is just frustrated because he felt he could pull you out of your depression and the more he tried he realized the truth about depression and that is its not always someone fault and rarely can be solved by someone else other than the person involved. Depression can be caused by many things, but it sounds to me like yours is not from your life around you but maybe more from a chemical imbalance in your body, you can't fix this by just wishing it to be better nor can he fix it by trying to cheer you up. The only thing that helps in these kind of cases is the proper antidepressants to balance out the chemical imbalance in your body.

Concentrate on getting yourself better first, if he truly loves you he only wants what is best for you, if he can't handle it, then it will only make you feel worse because of his problems. Its not your fault he left, he isn't wise for leaving he is just scared, common sense had nothing to do with it. He was doing what he felt was best for him, just as you should do what is best for you, and you deserve to be happy in your life, do yourself a favor and see a doctor about the depression, get that under control and perhaps you won't have to pretend when you're smiling anymore.

Answer #11:

It can be hard to say if he is being selfish. I would think he just gave up and decided to jump ship. It is hard to watch someone be unhappy when on the outside they have no reason to be that way. But you have the right to feel any way you feel. Outer things aren't always the key to happiness. One day, you'll find happiness not because you have something or don't have other things, but because you feel the completion you need to be happy. That thing can be different for each person...sounds like it's time for you to find out about you.





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